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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671955">Fishcreek</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alacosia/pseuds/Alacosia'>Alacosia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Collections of the Illusionist [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Argonians (Elder Scrolls), Existentialism, Fantasy, M/M, Magic, Paranormal, illusion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:21:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,308</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671955</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alacosia/pseuds/Alacosia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Collections of the Illusionist [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Elder Scrolls</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fishcreek</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On days when it rained, we came here</p><p>To celebrate our mutual tainted destiny, under the secure embrace of old willow trees</p><p>To listen to the soft sound of the rain hitting leaves, to get away from all we feared</p><p>On days where clouds masked the sky, shutting most in their homes, we came here</p><p>Here where the sound of rain hitting the creek would drown out two souls' bonding</p><p> </p><p>The warm smell of petrichor still reminds me of you</p><p> </p><p>Leaning against the same willow’s bark, these memories return to me</p><p>The centipedes that crawled our ankles as if they were hills</p><p>The chirping of crickets and birds, the illusion of time standing still</p><p>Oh lover, reflected now in the water</p><p>You are not really there</p><p> </p><p>Such bitter sweetness fills my veins</p><p>The sour aftertaste of snowberries</p><p>I wish our hubris never caught up to us</p><p>I wish it hadn’t rained that day</p><p> </p><p>I seethed with hatred back then</p><p>Blood boiling from your transgressions</p><p>You forced blame on yourself</p><p>Such heinous self-righteousness</p><p>As if your very blood was made of light</p><p> </p><p>I’ve since witnessed bitter coldness and blackened nights</p><p>I’ve seen the soft steam rise from nostrils and soft snow-covered boots</p><p>The more north I traveled, the more foreboding I felt</p><p>The aura of you remained</p><p>In the quiet emptiness of snow fields</p><p>In the howling of the wind</p><p>Pebbles suddenly rolling off the mountain struck me with fear</p><p> </p><p>I came to the husk of a sanctuary</p><p>Begging to gain the knowledge for vengeance</p><p>The archmage saw something in my eyes</p><p>And allowed me sanctum for study</p><p> </p><p>Each quiet night forced me awake; nightmares plaguing my mind</p><p>I awoke each time, shivered and gasping</p><p>My eyes focusing to see the slow snowfall instead of nostalgic rain</p><p>To see the familiar abyss that lie out the window, and something more</p><p>For the first time since your passing</p><p>I saw you once again</p><p> </p><p>Drifting just outside the tall window</p><p>A thin, tattered tunic hypnotically wavering</p><p>No howling wind that night</p><p>Your eyes black as fresh script</p><p>Dripping with ink scented sorrow</p><p> </p><p>I have seen colleague’s flesh burn asunder</p><p>I have seen summons turn against their masters</p><p>These tragedies had lessons attached</p><p>Your death left me learning no such lesson</p><p>Your nightly visits soon found themselves commonplace</p><p>And with them came visions that betrayed memories</p><p>I toiled through those long quiet nights</p><p>All while you hung outside my window</p><p>Idle, with sunken eyes beckoning</p><p> </p><p>My lessons were of emotional control</p><p>The fundamentals of bending others' will</p><p>Casting strings of invisible silk</p><p>To not rid the world of its permanent ink stain</p><p>But to change it to my own favorite color</p><p>I devoted myself to the art</p><p>My brushes: each emotion</p><p>My strokes: omnipotence cultivated and steeped in dark desire</p><p> </p><p>I sought sweet suffering for you</p><p>To cast those strings on those that dared touched you</p><p>To have them feel my concentrated pain</p><p>To watch as it eviscerated their mind</p><p> </p><p>The man I called archmage saw this desire in my eyes</p><p>The man acted as a seer one night</p><p>“Desire has made you blind.”</p><p>It was the same as all talented casters of illusion</p><p>“The desire for more control will consume you”</p><p>His eyes made his desires shine clear as diamonds</p><p>He saw a brilliant flame and proclaimed it a spark</p><p> </p><p>A long quiet decade extinguished with single conversation</p><p>I had learned everything, and sought the creek’s comfort once more</p><p>To bring you peace, I knew I had to travel back</p><p>Through the night I rushed as fast as I could</p><p>Seeking only to rest when I saw no snow</p><p>Alas, sunrise was coming soon</p><p>With its first ray, I sought refuge in an abandoned cabin</p><p>Darkness had made its home inside</p><p> </p><p>In quiet contemplation I sat, with small rations aiding my survival</p><p>Abstract figures made themselves apparent in front of me</p><p>Dark ellipses and circles silently wavering with each twitch of my retina</p><p>The piercing quiet ringed in my ears</p><p>The irregular shapes sought familiar form</p><p>You</p><p>You stared back at me, no emotion in your fake eyes</p><p>For the first time since your passing</p><p>I heard you speak once again</p><p> </p><p>“The desire for more control will consume you”</p><p>The archmage’s voice hissed through your closed mouth</p><p>Ink dripped onto the old wood, flaring my nostrils</p><p>I turned towards the ground</p><p>But the vision wouldn’t vanish</p><p>“I enticed him! Threw myself onto him!”</p><p>No more a hiss</p><p>Now a familiar voice</p><p>“Zulum-ni?” my voice quivered</p><p>Head in my hands</p><p>You stared back</p><p>Both hands behind your waist</p><p>A laced frown</p><p>No words came out</p><p>My own quickening heartbeat</p><p>Pounding in my torso</p><p>“You’re almost at peace!” I begged the apparition</p><p>“I’m scared…</p><p>but at least you’re…</p><p>you’re safe”</p><p>The voice stopped</p><p>The ink from your eyes spilling out faster</p><p>The soft patter against wood</p><p>The soft patter splashing into my eyes</p><p>Squinting didn’t dilute the vision</p><p>My lungs pleaded for air</p><p>The stench of ink forcing me to cough and retch</p><p>Frantic arms explored the walls</p><p>Begging for a doorknob</p><p>When they did, my body was suddenly thankful for the cold snow-covered earth</p><p> </p><p>Soft vapored breath barely veiled the sunset</p><p>The freshness of frigid air cleansing my lungs</p><p>Watery eyes were wiped</p><p>I only had wished you could’ve been more grateful</p><p> </p><p>The roads south were dangerous for the weak</p><p>Invisible silk kept me safe</p><p>With the sleight of my hand</p><p>Both man and animal saw no one</p><p> </p><p>Days passed, and mountains turned to hills</p><p>In a narrow mountain pass, I felt the first drop on my head</p><p>A more powerful placebic warmth has never been found</p><p>The rain showered, eased my heart, and seeped into my soul</p><p>I fell to my knees to embrace it fully</p><p> </p><p>Uneventfulness filled the rest of the journey</p><p>A wide plane before the southern forest</p><p>Observing the sun’s rays pierce the oaks and maples</p><p>My legs began to feel weak as I neared</p><p>Through the gate of the city known only for its graves</p><p> </p><p>In a tavern I had learned all I needed to know</p><p>And then</p><p>The warm smell of petrichor choked my neck much like a noose</p><p>Stumbling outside, my lungs begged for air once again</p><p> </p><p>I fell to my knees in sorrow, and the creek played its same subtle song</p><p>The willow with its wispy branches cradled me as a mother would her frightened child</p><p>Huddled, I succumbed to the grief and mourned for you</p><p>I wept in memory of our time there</p><p>For your tenderness that I no longer would find in anyone</p><p>I clutched the soft earth in anger, and pleaded for your return to me</p><p>Through stifled breaths I splashed the creeks water across my face</p><p>And the memories began to begrudgingly drift away</p><p> </p><p>Now, I lean here in quiet rumination</p><p>My inner qualms fighting amongst themselves</p><p>He escaped me, lover</p><p>The one that caused you the worse pain</p><p>The Gods placed him next to you for eternity</p><p>His grave ornate marble, framed with bronze</p><p>Yours a stick, framed with twine</p><p>With centipedes crawling over both corpses</p><p>With eyes staring into infinite abysses</p><p>And ears filled with a piercing quiet</p><p> </p><p>Someone took his life from me</p><p>Took your peace away from me</p><p>I understand your sorrow, lover</p><p>Your securing whispers granting me sanity</p><p>Yet driving me deeper into darkness</p><p> </p><p>I peer into the creek, and see you once again</p><p>Hollowed eyes spilling ink</p><p>I watch as it flows down, poisoning the creek</p><p>Those eyes allure me, beckon me closer</p><p>Captivated, I lose myself to them</p><p>Embracing the intricacies of your mind</p><p>And through torrents of ink</p><p>I begin to see</p><p> </p><p>Truly see you how I remember</p><p>The soft glint of your eyes</p><p>The infectious smile</p><p>But in a flash, it’s gone</p><p>The husk is the only thing that stares back</p>
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